Dating Devils – Duplicity in the 21st Century

Duplicity is a deceitfulness in speech or conduct; speaking or acting in two different ways concerning the same matter with intent to deceive; double-dealing. They who are duplicitous are twofold or possess a double state or quality about them.

Ironically, duplicity often finds its way into dating and relationships. We’ve all heard about the gold diggers who date and marry for money. Other forms of duplicity can come in narcissism where one has an inordinate fascination and occupation with oneself.

Because growing up many people were neglected and come from dysfunctional families, they have an emotional bottomless pit within that has never been dealt with. Therefore they look to people in dating and relationships to be their all in all. This nobody can do for you, as such unresolved issues can only be inwardly worked through. To such a person or persons I recommend professional counseling to help identify and address such problematic areas within lest such persons continually perpetuate their pain relationally (a whole other topic to be addressed at a later date).

Excessive self-love and vanity often originates from the lack thereof ironically and therefore is a sort of overcompensation to make up for past neglect and wrongs committed (or love withheld from parents growing up). Others grew up in families where their performance, work, and achievements were rewarded with affection and recognition. Otherwise some got little love apart from their efforts. This therefore leads to destructive tendencies and internal processing as to the origins and true nature of love.

Hence we have manipulative and duplicitous people playing with love within relationships. Unfortunately, most of us (unless we can become self-aware and break the chains and generational curses) recycle the relational manners and methods of our parents – be they good or bad.

Duplicity relationally is deceptive in that a person lavishes love early on during dating, but once they are in a committed relationship flip and reverse emotions altogether becoming angry, bitter, accusatory, and critical. Had I not experienced this on numerous occasions myself, I wouldn’t believe it. Yet I have lived through this and watched these schizophrenic personality disorders (even demons) emerge in women I have been involved with over the years.

People who are emotionally needy have an intense emotional gratification derived from admiration of themselves. Therefore it is not unusual for them to have pictures of themselves on their walls within their house and other ego elevating memorabilia.

Beyond one’s own physical or mental attributes, emotionally being at just above the infantile level of personality development emotionally, wounded and needy adults often put unrealistic expectations on people in relationships. This serves to further add unnecessary pressure to relationships as nobody can live up to anybody’s expectations, especially that of a person who is excessively needy and a bottomless pit. Therefore they who need and seek love the most, by reason of their intense longing for it and willingness to manipulate to get it, drive the very object of their love away from them.

Whenever the love they seek does not come in the form, fashion, way, and timetable they desire; they become angry, bitter, and lash out in rage (some passively aggressively, others in other subtle forms and fashions). This then begins to sabotage the relationship as the seemingly denied individual sinking in their own bottomless pits with all of their unresolved issues begins to play the blame game within (eventually verbally) rather than realize their own personal problem.

This downward spiral if unresolved can lead to more heartache and pain effecting one’s professional life beyond their relationships causing irreparable harm.

Before you commit relationally to such a person, get to know the people you are dating and discern the devils tormenting them. If you do not and prematurely commit to such a person, their devils soon may be living with and tormenting you.